Help Your Children Get Through Your Divorce

Help Your Children Get Through Your Divorce

Help your children get through your divorce

While a divorce occurs between two people, it affects everyone living in the home. Sometimes, it even takes a toll on other family members who aren’t currently residing in the same dwelling.

Children, in particular, experience a variety of emotions, including anger, fear, confusion and disappointment, as their parents go through a divorce.

What, if anything, can you do to help your children get through your divorce?

BE HONEST WITHIN REASON

While you should tell your children the truth in response to any questions that they ask, it isn’t necessary to volunteer information that is going to upset them. Try to keep your answers short and to the point without pointing the finger in blame at your spouse.

ACCEPT YOUR OWN PART IN THE DIVORCE

In many cases, taking your fair share of the blame will help your child to get past the situation more easily.

Rather than building up a lot of anger at one individual, the child might be able to accept the inevitable without expressing resentment.

Accepting your share of the blame might also help you to maintain an even disposition when speaking with your child. 

COUNT TO TEN

Even if your divorce is amicable, it is possible that your spouse or your child might say something that upsets you. Rather than respond in haste, count to ten before commenting.

This strategy gives you time to cool down and provide an acceptable answer.

PUT YOUR CHILD’S NEEDS FIRST

No matter how upset you are feeling, you must place the child’s well-being before your own.

While a divorce is upsetting for everyone involved, children seem to feel it most deeply, often carrying their feelings with them throughout life. 

ENSURE YOUR CHILD THAT THE FAULT BELONGS TO THE PARENTS

Children often take the blame upon themselves, partly because they are simply hoping to fix the situation and make the divorce go away.

It is important that you assure your child that the fault belongs to the parents alone.

AVOID PUTTING YOUR EMOTIONS OUT THERE FOR YOUR CHILD TO SEE

Whenever possible, put up a stiff upper lip and try to keep your feelings to yourself.

Your child doesn’t need to see your anger, frustration, or sadness, because your offspring probably has enough of these feelings on their own. 

KEEP YOUR CHILD BUSY

Distraction goes a long way in keeping children from thinking about unpleasant situations.

Be sure to allow your child to remain involved in school functions and outside extracurricular activities.

FOCUS ON POSITIVE ASPECTS

Never assume that your child knows that good things are yet to come.

Be sure that you explain the changes that will take place because of the divorce, while also exploring the positive aspects such as overnight visits and scheduled time with each parent.

CONTROL YOUR EXPECTATIONS

If you, as the parent, can control your expectations for the future, it will make it easier for your child to adjust to a new lifestyle.

Change is difficult for most people, but providing clear expectations to this change can help people to adapt to them.

Be patient with the child’s ability to adjust, while also staying positive about any improvements in behavior.

TALK ABOUT MONEY

If money is going to be a problem, don’t try and hide this fact from your child.

Have a discussion explaining that you might have to cut back on certain types of expenditures so that your child doesn’t feel like he is being punished. 

If money is going to be a problem, don’t try and hide this fact from your child.

Have a discussion explaining that you might have to cut back on certain types of expenditures so that your child doesn’t feel like he is being punished. 

No matter how guilty you feel or how much you want to let your child have his own way in everything, it is critical that you act like the parent that you are.

Your child needs to understand that boundaries still exist. In fact, your ability to continue acting as the adult in charge should provide some semblance of normalcy and comfort to your child.

ACT LIKE A PARENT

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP YOUR CHILDREN GET THROUGH YOUR DIVORCE?

Parents can help their children to adjust to a divorce by following a few guidelines that help provide normalcy and boundaries.

Honesty is critical, although too much honesty is probably harmful. Accepting your part in the divorce helps to let your child know that it isn’t his fault.

It also avoids turning the other parent into the bad guy, a circumstance that is more harmful to a child than anything.

Learning to exercise patience with everyone involved can really help to avoid unnecessary problems.

It is also important that you avoid making your child feel guilty.

Therefore, you also need to avoid allowing your child to see your negative emotions, because that might make him feel guilty.

Focusing on positive activities and changes eases the period of adjustment.

Most importantly, you need to continue parenting in order to give your child structured support.

Finally, if money is a concern, talk with your child about it briefly without going into too much detail. If you need help or have questions about divorce contact Anthony Moreno now.

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Anthony Moreno specializes in divorce, child custody and child support.

If you need help or have questions contact Anthony at (16) 200-0467.

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